Anger Management

What is Anger Management: Change of emotion or temper or mood if something doesn’t go well as per our thoughts or plan. Sometimes it creates mild to intense irritation on us. Every person is different. Each person has different beliefs, values, thoughts, goals, needs, and wants. If something does not go as we thought we feel angry.

When we become angry body produces stress hormone and it will affect our body. Anger can cause heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety.

How to control Anger: 

  1. Self-awareness is the ability to notice what we’re feeling and thinking. When we get angry, take a moment to notice what we’re feeling and thinking.
  2. Self-control is all about thinking before we act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and taking an action we’ll regret.

Together, self-awareness and self-control allow us to have more choice about how to act when we’re feeling an intense emotion like anger.

Getting Ready to Make a Change

Deciding to get control of anger — rather than letting it control us — means taking a good hard look at the ways we’ve been reacting when we get mad. Do we tend to yell and scream or say hurtful, mean, disrespectful things? Do we throw things, kick or punch walls, break stuff? Hit someone, hurt ourselves, or push and shove others around?

For most people who have trouble harnessing a hot temper, reacting like this is not what they want. They feel ashamed by their behavior and don’t think it reflects the real them, their best selves.

Everyone can change — but only when they want to. If we want to make a big change in how we’re handling our anger, think about what we’ll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect from other people? Less time feeling annoyed and frustrated? A more relaxed approach to life? Remembering why we want to make the change can help.

It can also help to remind ourselves that making a change takes time, practice, and patience. It won’t happen all at once. Managing anger is about developing new skills and new responses. As with any skill, like playing basketball or learning the piano, it helps to practice over and over again.

The Five-Step Approach to Managing Anger

Here’s what to do:

1) Identify the problem (self-awareness). Start by noticing what we’re angry about and why. Put into words what’s making us upset so we can act rather than react.

Ask ourselves: What’s got me angry? What am I feeling and why? We can do this either in mind or out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific. For example: “I’m really angry at Mom because she won’t let me go to the party until I clean my room. It’s not fair!” Your feeling is anger, and we’re feeling angry because we might not get to go to the party.

Notice that this is not the same as saying, “Mom’s so unfair to me.” That statement doesn’t identify the specific problem (that we can’t go to the party until we clean the room) and it doesn’t say how we’re feeling (angry).

2) Think of potential solutions before responding (self-control). This is where we stop for a minute to give ourselves time to manage anger. It’s also where we start thinking of how we might react — but without reacting yet.

Ask ourselves: What can I do? Think of at least three things. For example, in this situation we might think:

(a) I could yell at Mom and throw a fit.

(b) I could clean my room and then ask if I could go to the party.

(c) I could sneak out to the party anyway.

3) Consider the consequences of each solution (think it through). This is where we think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions we came up with.

Ask ourselves: What will happen for each one of these options? For example:

(a) Yelling at mom may get us in worse trouble or even grounded.

(b) Cleaning room takes work and we may get to the party late (but maybe that adds to mystique). With this option, we get to go to the party and room clean so we don’t have to worry about it for a while.

(c) Sneaking out may seem like a real option in the heat of anger. But when we really think it through, it’s pretty unlikely we’d get away with being gone for hours with no one noticing. And when we do get caught — look out!

4) Make a decision (pick one of the options). This is where we take action by choosing one of the three things we could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective.

Ask ourselves: What’s my best choice? By the time we’ve thought it through, we’re probably past yelling at mom, which is a knee-jerk response. You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky. Neither of these options is likely to get us to the party. So option (b) probably seems like the best choice.

Once we choose the solution, then it’s time to act.

5) Check the progress. After we’ve acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.

Ask ourselves: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made? Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it’s all over is a very important step. It helps us learn about ourselves and it allows us to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations.

Give ourselves a pat on the back if the solution we chose worked out well. If it didn’t, go back through the five steps and see if we can figure out why.

Other Ways to Manage Anger

  1. Think before we speak
  2. Once we’re calm, express our anger
  3. Get some exercise
  4. Write down our thoughts and emotions.
  5. Identify possible solutions
  6. Don’t hold a grudge
  7. Know when to seek help
  8. Use humor to release tension
  9. Talk about our feelings with someone we trust.
  10. Distract ourselves.
  11. Respond instead of reacting.

Toufiq Mahmud